The Art of Incorporating Real-Life with Master/slave-Life
written by: slave wen
I have observed that a lot of people living in the Master/slave lifestyle often complain about the fact that "real life" gets in the way. In my own personal struggles and experience with this I have come to believe it is not that real-life gets in the way, but that we remain attached to our cultural compulsion for compartmentalizing our lives.
Let me expound:
Our American culture indoctrinates us early - with childhood experiences that distinguish weekdays from weekends by defining Monday through Friday as "school days". Before the advent of cable television, there was the phenomenom of "Saturday Morning Cartoons". We are taught there is a difference between work and play, and we learn to dress and behave differently based on whether we are working or playing. Essentially, we are modeling our social beliefs and adapting to a culture that tell us we play "roles" throughout our lives. We get so enmeshed in our "roles" that we forget they are just masks that we put on. We often become so identified with a particular role that we (and those around us) get attached to it and to the story of that role (think of Gomer Pyle or Lucille Ball). It is this attachment to a role that often leads to mid-life crises because the elements that have contributed to our "self identity" suddenly shift; i.e., the empty-nest syndrome that occurs when the last child leaves home, or the severe depression that is experienced after a job-loss because we have defined ourselves based on our profession and role as provider.
As we discover and adopt the culture of the Master/slave lifestyle, many of us behave similarly - adopting the Master or slave role as just one more "mask" we choose to wear - granted, it is with great devotion and with joy that brings us personal pleasure and great happiness. However, when we choose to live in this manner, we are still distinguishing our Master/slave roles from our work and play roles. We "act" our roles in each of these settings based on our personalized and cultural ideals of what these roles require. These are referred to in Jungian terms as "archetypal" concepts that exist in a culture as an "idealized" model. While this model is completely individual for each person, there remains an element of cultural universalism - so that when we think of "Mother" we might picture June Cleaver or Rosanne Barr as extreme ends of the spectrum of our "ideal" of "Mother". Thus, in our culture we do not conceive that it is possible to do anything other than separate and compartmentalize our lives based on our role identities.
I often hear comments like these: "I am a slave always, but I am can not be in my slave-mind when I am a mother, or when I am at work", or "I find it hard to be a Master when I have four projects at work competing for priority with three departments and I have bills to pay and house projects to complete when I get home", or "We don't have time to spend doing M/s because the kids have soccer, gymanstics and swim-team and after we get home from running the kids around after school and eating dinner we are too tired to do anything but go to bed and start another day." Too many say, "Life gets in the way of Master and slave."
I would gently offer that it is not life that gets in the way so much as our perception and insistence that the "Master/slave lifestyle" is separate from "Real-life".
Bear with me as I move towards a more personal tangential example:
When I volunteer in developing nations I am humbled by the ability of people to tolerate such impoverished living conditions - 5-12 people living in a 12x16 one-room, rusty tin-roofed tar-papered shack with more holes than not, a community public out-house and no running water, electrical wires gerry-rigged and popping from short circuits and intermittently on, and kitchens consisting of open fire-pits burning coal with chickens running in and out and here and there. During these visits I struggle with my own inner voices that judge and condemn myself, friends and neighbors for living lavishly and carelessly with disposable consumerism. I am also amazed at the creativity and resourcefulness of the Haitian and Dominan Republican peoples, and am fascinated by their daily expression of genuine joyful living even while they are rationing beans and rice because the prices have exponentially risen for the 5th time in the month. In asking a villager about his ability to live so joyfully in such impoverished conditions, I was given the answer, "It is all in how you see, my friend."
On another, more personal, note:
Yesterday I received several interesting experiences:
1) Walking in the rain, smiling and enjoying the coolness - affirming for me that joy is present in every moment - it is only our definition of joy that limits our experience of it;
2) Prompt, courteous and completed-before-promised service from an automobile business - affirming for me that I am not alone in placing a high value on good customer service - it is our expectations that go unmet which cause our unhappiness;
3) An interview for per-diem nursing at Frannie Peabody Center - in an old home in an attic room with three very unique and fascinating people - affirming for me that I am more drawn to holistic healing environments and there are places which offer these - it is my definition of a healing environment that limits or expands the possibilities open to me;
4) A great review for my 6-month assessment at Maine Medical Center (I'm on official "active" status vs. "probationary") - affirming for me that I am capable of doing anything I set my mind to and doing it well;
5) News from a friend about another friend whose son was just diagnosed with Asperger's which was something I suggested 6 months ago and through a series of "bugs in ears" was actually evaluated and confirmed - affirming for me that my instincts are "right-on";
All of these experiences from yesterday were individual and separate incidents and none of them related to my "role" as a slave. If you were to ask me whether I was in slave-mind during these, I would say "yes". Does this mean that at all times during the day I am focused on being a slave? No. What it means is that I am not attached to any ideal of "slave" as a particular set of actions or a role that I adopt as separate from myself. Slavery is about where I set my intentions and how I choose to interpret my experiences based on those intentions. It is about practicing mindfulness in such a way that the ideals of the archetypal slave are practiced until they are without consciousness. Thus, my slave-life is not compartmentalized and separate from my "real" life. Another way of looking at it is that "slave" and "real" are one and the same.
"BUT!" you exclaim. "You have it wrong! Of course slave-life is not the same as real-life!"
I ask you, "Why not?"
Perhaps it is our insistence that they be separate and different from one another that causes our own hardships and personal conflicts. Is one (Master/slave-life) better than the other (real-life)? How so? Perhaps we are attached to the struggle itself when we wrestle with incorporating real-life with Master/slave-life.
You see, I could just as easily have been upset at getting wet in the rain with no car placing blame on the automobile business because it takes them longer than 90 minutes to replace my windshield. I could have gone to the interview and decided that the informal and casual attire and atmosphere reeked unprofessionalism, especially as the head nurse was wearing a low-cut v-neck t-shirt showing off her chest tattoos while wearing her rastafarian hair knots in a big bun on top of her head. I could have been cynical about my performance review as "just another step in the corporate system" and been focused on the fact that I did not get an "exceeds" on anything; and I could have been in a very gloating and "see I told you" attitude about my friend who hasn't spoken to me since I suggested that her son might have Asperger's. All of these things could easily have been experienced and interpreted based on how attached I was to my expectations and personal definitions of what "should" be. We all hold internal compasses of "right" and "wrong"...these are our "attachments" to how we interpret and experience the world "as it should be".
By letting go of my expectations and my personal "shoulds", I was opened and available to the intimacy and joy of each moment of my day. For me, this is practicing slavery. Equally, it could just have easily affirmed the practice of Mastery. Again, Master and slave are not necessarily different. They are one and the same; reflections of one another on the ends of the same spectrum.
If you are up for trying this theory and want to experience more joyfulness and wholeness in your life as a Master or slave, I would offer these simple three suggestions for beginning the practice of incorporating Real-life and Master/slave life as a "whole" life:
1) Set aside 3 to 5 minutes of each morning and each evening to begin a practice of mindfulness with a personal mantra. I spend the first five minutes of my morning doing the Hamsa meditation, centering myself and attuning to my breathing. Inspiring, I say, "Haaaahhhmmm"; expiring, I say, "Saaaaahhhh". Over and over again, until it is indistinguishable whether Ham or Sa start the word. This comes from the Vedic practice of mindful meditation. "Ham" is the Yang (masculine and outward) element, and "Sa" is the Yin (feminine and inward) element. Together, they make a complete whole - as does the Master and slave within each of us.
2) Whenever you experience disappointment or have a mental complaint, stop and take a deep breath. At first you may find that you are doing more deep breathing than you want. This is good. It awakens you to your thought processes. These disappointments and complaints represent your attachments and expectations. Stop and consider whether they are serving you in your objective to live as a Master or a slave.
3) Find joy as often as possible and congratulate yourself on being a good "master" or "slave" each time you are joyous.
It is really this simple. Before too long, it will be easier to understand through affirming and daily experience that real-life and master/slave life are not separate from one another, it is just that we have chosen to adopt a belief system that states otherwise. In other words, it is how we choose to interpret our experiences and define ourselves.
"So?" you ask, "What does this have to do with the Art of Incorporating Real-life with Master/slave-life?" The answer is, "It is all in how you see, my friend."
© 2007 slave wen